4 Ways to Encourage Resilience in Children

4 Ways to Encourage Resilience in Children

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Resilience — defined as “the capacity to overcome difficulty” — is an essential life skill.

And here’s what we know about resilience: the more adversity we encounter, the better we adapt to handling it.

Of course, it doesn’t come natural or easy for parents to allow their kids to experience discomfort. From the moment they’re born, we’re automatons geared toward stopping their little tears – whether it’s changing a wet diaper, warming up a bottle of milk, putting a Band-aid on a boo-boo, or refereeing a sibling disagreement.

Yet, we also see what happens when we’ve not given our kids a chance to work through setbacks on their own. Their fuses become shorter and shorter. Tears become the default – seemingly for attention – not the last resort. The most hurtful phrases come out of their tiny mouths: “I can’t do it!” or “I’m a failure!” 

So how do parents allow their children the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and discover self-confidence, without clearing the way for their self-destruction? In this two-part series, we explore resilience-building tips for children that are tested, tried, and true.

Learn through dreaming.

Students are more motivated to succeed when they have a core purpose, according to research conducted by Dr. Carol Dweck and Dr. David Yeager at the University of Texas at Austin. Psychologists shared stories illustrating how school performance can impact the world and prompted students to write essays imagining how the world could be a better place. As students developed a belief they could achieve a purposeful life, their academic scores improved.

Similarly, you can help older children develop grit (passion and perseverance) by discussing purpose in life and the goals necessary to get there. Younger children can benefit from a dream board visualization tool – a poster board with photographs and printed or cut-out images from magazines illustrating passions, hopes, and goals. 

Learn through storytelling.

Psychologist and author Maria Konnikova believes everyone can learn to become more resilient. It’s all in how we view adversity. She explains, “Frame adversity as a challenge and you become more flexible and able to deal with it, move on, learn from it, and grow.” On the other hand, if adversity is viewed as a threat, it can become a traumatic event that leads to inflexibility and negative outcomes.

Family narratives are a great way to “create meaning and provide perspective” on your child’s past, present, and future potential. Right before tucking them in at night can be a great moment for storytelling if the need doesn’t naturally arise during the day. “I noticed you were struggling with X earlier,” you might say. “Can I tell you about a time where something was really, really hard for me?” Kids love these personal stories and will often ask to hear them over and over, as a way of discovering something new about you — and about themselves. Choose stories that demonstrate challenge, illustrating how you tried to keep positive, didn’t give up, and benefited as a result of adversity. When times are tough and you feel frustrated, talk aloud to yourself to show your kids that life doesn’t come easy for you either, but you’re doing your best to cope with it and grow stronger. You may also teach using stories about famous people who used their passion and perseverance to reach long-term goals. Read about the lives of Michael Jordan, JK Rowling, Clara Barton, and others in The Failure Book: How 22 Extraordinary People Persisted and How You Can Too.

Learn through play.

Activities that involve focusing on the present moment or delaying gratification can be helpful exercises in resilience. In effect, the child learns, “I can’t always have what I really want right now, but I can still appreciate what I’m experiencing.” A five-year study conducted by the LEGO Foundation found that children of all ages and socioeconomic backgrounds benefit from learning through play – which supports emotional, physical, and intellectual capabilities. The inherent joy and stimulation of multiple brain networks while playing helps develop and maintain the social and emotional skills needed to deal with challenging and changing circumstances, researchers found.

Creativity and resilience are natural byproducts when parents or teachers and children play together. Children are better able to reduce complexity and imagine positive scenarios when working with others. If you’re not much of a LEGO or block builder, you can also try playing cooperative board games, which aids with impulse control, mental flexibility, turn-taking, and activation of the prefrontal cortex – the part of the brain involved in decision-making, emotional regulation, and resilience. Baduk or Go is one game scientifically proven to increase gray matter in the brain; kids as young as five can learn to play it.

Learn through sports and hobbies.

Activities that exercise the prefrontal cortex (the home of emotional regulation) and engage the hippocampus (where memories are stored) include: musical instrument lessons, mastering a sport (like soccer or tennis), and learning a new language. Interaction between these two key brain centers increases mental flexibility that comes in handy during problem-solving and decision-making. Children can begin this process at a very young age and spend years growing in their proficiency and developing their brains to function with greater efficiency.

In addition to getting your children involved in a few structured activities, you may also choose to share your own passions – which is not only a great bonding experience — but a path to fulfillment. It’s all too easy to lose some of your identity in the transformation to becoming “mom” or “dad,” but consider what interests have fallen by the wayside. It’s never too late to carve out time to rekindle that passion and invite a child to join in the fun with you – for the sake of everyone’s gray matter! In this way, you can model determination and encourage your child to do the same.

Become More Resilient by Letting Your Inner Light Shine!

We hope you’ve found these tips helpful. Stay tuned for Part II, where we explore more ways to build resilience in the New Year. In the meantime, we invite you to stop by the brand-new Shine Studio to explore the ways art can help children work through minor struggles and setbacks. We also host music lessons, sport camps, and language immersion, so be sure to ask about our full programming for 2022. Our educators are devoted to helping build resilience, confidence, and character in children from 6 months to 12 years.

How Dance is Good for Children

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The New York City Ballet’s Nutcracker is a winter tradition for many local children. It’s a marvelous spectacle with 125 children, 90 ballet dancers, 62 musicians, and a 41-foot Christmas tree. But for kids, dance is more than dazzling. As soon as babies can stand, they’re wiggling and wobbling and dancing in their own unique ways. Dance is a natural part of physical development, but it’s also one worth cultivating formally, as there are numerous mental and physical benefits of dance for children (and adults, too, if you want to join the fun!). Continue reading to learn about some of the fascinating studies pertaining to studying dance in childhood.

Engagement and Joy

Babies find rhythm, tempo, music, and dance more engaging and enjoyable than plain speech. University of York researchers also found “the better the children are able to synchronize their movements with music, the more they smile. What better way to share joy with your child than a daddy or mommy and me class?

Lower Stress

Can dance wire the brain to cope with hardship and open up paths to learning? The short answer is: yes! Intensive arts programs in music, dance, and visual arts can lower the cortisol levels in chronically stressed, economically disadvantaged preschoolers, according to a 2016 study published in the journal Child Development. The dance classes not only developed children’s artistic abilities, but also promoted learning in math and literacy.

Better Academic Performance

Researchers are always looking for affordable interventions to help impoverished youth rise up and achieve better outcomes in school. It turns out, enrolling in dance and music study improves a child’s grades all the way through eighth grade, no matter the socioeconomic status, according to George Mason University Arts Research Center.

Brain Neuroplasticity

Dancing engages multiple brain functions at once to increase neural connectivity and flexibility. Dancing strengthens connectivity between the central and cerebral hemispheres, modifies white and grey matter in various brain regions, and integrates different brain areas to improve neuroplasticity, according to a January 2019 study published in the journal Neuroscience & Biobehavioural Reviews. This neuroplasticity is what allows the brain to strengthen connections, rewire, and relearn as necessary – all fundamental components to developing a growth mindset.

Balance and Fine Motor Control

We all want our kids to move well and with great coordination. Not surprisingly, dance programs “significantly improve” a child’s balance, fine motor skills, and the neurological processes that support movement, according to researchers in Brazil who studied 85 children in 1st to 5th grades. What surprised researchers was that the benefits of dance persist — to some degree — for months, even after a formal dance program ends.

Weight Management

Diabetic children between the ages of 8-16 were able to improve cholesterol and reduce BMI by 1.7 units with two hours of playing “Dance Dance Revolution” per week with their families. By comparison, the control group increased BMI by 1.6 units and gained an average of 17 pounds over the same time period. Yale researchers found dance more effective at reducing weight, body fat, and insulin sensitivity than traditional clinic-based weight counseling.

Physical Activity

As kids get older, it can be more and more difficult to engage them in regular physical activity, especially with the ubiquity of video games. However, video games can also be part of the solution, say researchers. The Universite de Montreal reported that games like Dance Dance Revolution and Wii Sports actually increased teen activity levels from less than 60 minutes per week to more than 100. “As less than 15% of children and adolescents currently participate regularly in physical activity, we are pleased to report that exergaming can add to regular physical activity to attain physical activity guidelines,” concluded researchers.

Join Our East End Dance Party!

If you’re interested in dance lessons, there is no better place than the brand-new Shine Studio. In studio 3, we’re pleased to feature artists-in-residence Our Fabulous Variety Show. Their classes include tap, ballet, jazz, musical theatre, acting, and improv – with a mission to help kids learn, express themselves, hone their creativity, and grow. Contact us for details.

Q&A with Shine Founder Aaron Goldschmidt: All You Need To Know About the New Creative Arts Space for Children in The Hamptons

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Shine has been the Tri-State’s leading provider of workshops, camps, pop-up classes, and events since 2004. Programming involves a unique blend of visual arts, science and nature, cooking, cultural immersion, music, and movement, geared toward ages 6 months to 12 years.

Over the years, meetings have taken place at some of the East End’s most iconic locations, like the LongHouse Reserve, Bridge Gardens, or CMEE, but Shine never really had a place to call “home base” – that is, until now!

The Shine Studio debuted to the public earlier this month. Inside, you’ll find three large studios and a café. Outside, you’ll find another café, garden space, an outdoor classroom, a stage, and direct access to the Long Pond Greenbelt trails. It’s an exciting space, designed to inspire creativity and learning.

East End parents are always looking for fun places to go. Whether you’ve experienced our programming before or this is all new to you, company founder Aaron Goldschmidt answers all your questions in this exclusive Q&A about the brand-new Shine Studio, located at 977 Bridgehampton-Sag Harbor Turnpike, Bridgehampton, NY 11932.

Q: How did you arrive at the decision to create a physical space for Shine?

Aaron Goldschmidt, Shine Founder & Director: Shine has always been a mobile, pop-up business. That was the original idea, it has served us very well, and we will continue to offer those services.  But with our popular summer camp and growing business on the East End of Long Island, it felt like the right move at the right time. Also, I am a firm believer that things happen when they are supposed to — and I found the most amazing space that just felt like home the minute I walked in. I had to take this place, even without a plan.

Q: What seasonal events are you planning for The Shine Studio that you hope people will want to come back to, year after year?

A: We are hoping to have at least one seasonal or holiday-specific event per month. We’ve only had a small Halloween party this year and are gearing up for a Family Holiday Party on Saturday, December 18th from 1-4pm. The excitement is in creating and developing events this first year that will hopefully become tradition as we continue to grow and expand!

Q: Is anything exciting coming up over winter break?

A: We will be offering Winter Break Camp at The Shine Studio from Monday, December 20th through Friday, December 31st for kids 2-11 years old.  We want families to enjoy all the innovative and creative activities they love from our popular summer camp. Activities may include: music and movement, signature Shine craft projects, visits from performing and visual artists, outdoor play, and more! Families can choose from a full day session, or morning or afternoon sessions with the option to stay for lunch. And our Grand Opening Events will be mid-January.

Q: What paint palette, materials, and design aesthetic did you choose, and why?

A: I wanted to go with a clean, beach vibe.  Most of our materials are wood, glass, and natural elements with a slight nod to ‘old-school meets modern.’ We also took a lot of inspiration from our new website, as you can see on our graffiti wall. The Shine Studio offers outdoor and indoor spaces for a wide range of our signature activities. The space was renovated by a team of craftsmen from Benenaula Construction, a local Hamptons construction company, who worked with us on every detail to make our space inviting, functional, beautiful, and modern. We wanted the space to act as a canvas for all the art and energy we are going to create here. It is truly a dream come true.

Q: Which is your personal favorite part of the space and why?

A: That is a hard question! It’s all so new, and I’m discovering things I love each day! The outdoor stage/classroom and The Shine Studio graffiti street art behind it are really special to me. But I also love the Craft Studio. I could spend all day in there.

Q: Give us a virtual tour: Tell us how the different rooms function at the studio.

A: Currently, Studio 1 is our multi-use room: perfect for classes, parties, and a variety of our programming. Studio 2 is our Arts & Crafts Studio that has been custom-designed for the sole purpose of making art!  Studio 3 is currently being used by Our Fabulous Variety Show, the first artists-in-residence as a part of our @Shine program. Their state-of-the-art dance studio will provide a permanent space for classes, rehearsals, and boundless creativity. We are excited to partner with them on joint programming and help to foster their mission of bringing accessible and inclusive arts programming to the East End.

Q: Tell us how you started working with Our Fabulous Variety Show and why we should sign up for a class.

A: I met Anita Boyer, co-founder of OFVS, a little over a year ago when I hired her to teach some dance classes for Shine. I knew immediately if I were able to open a space out here, I wanted her to be involved. Our missions really go hand-in-hand. Kids should sign up for her classes because there is no better program for kids’ dance and theater around! She has an infectious energy and undeniable talent.

Q: Can parents rent out the space for private events? What can you offer hosts and their guests?

A: Absolutely.  The Studio lends itself to being a fabulous event space for gatherings of all ages. With our outdoor space, multiple indoor venues, 1.5 kitchens, lovely bathrooms, the possibilities are really endless. While we could organize an adult craft night, we encourage grown-ups to rent the space and bring in any kind of entertainment or food they desire.

Q: Are all classes, camps, and workshops being held exclusively at the studio now, or will you continue area partnerships with places like the LongHouse Reserve?

A: That’s a very good question.  The short answer is ‘no’. Part of what we do so well is show up in the most unlikely places and run our programming.  We’re hoping that by having a permanent space we can actually attract more local artists, artisans, and specialists to come and run exciting programming year-round! In terms of summer camp, we would never give up a day at LongHouse, so we are planning on offering MWF here at The Studio, Tuesdays at LongHouse, and Thursdays as our pop-up field trip day!

Q: Do you have any drop-in times or classes available for people who have no experience with Shine to check out the space?

A: As an introductory offer, we are allowing one-offs and small class packs that can be used to try a variety of our current programs running. Anyone interested should contact krissy@shinenyc.net to inquire.

Q: How does the new studio better help Shine deliver on its mission?

A: Our mission has always been to help all children shine the light they have inside.  We have been fortunate enough not to need a permanent space for that – and, in many ways, being mobile has afforded us the opportunity to inspire even more children. But setting down roots on the East End and having a space to create, collaborate, and congregate helps to solidify us as a brand and a part of the community. We can now be a destination for anyone who wants to shine their light!

Q: What’s next?

A: If only I knew. If you would have told me, four months ago, I would be sitting in my own process and creative arts studio in the Hamptons, I never would have believed you. I love the adventure that life provides if you follow your passion, work hard, and trust your instincts. We are hoping to begin filming more videos out of The Studio, so kids all over the country can have access to our content. We are also interested in showing local artists in our gallery space, developing branded curricula for a variety of programs, and throwing some pretty awesome parties!

Well, there you have it! All are welcome to check out our new space, we’ve got a few exciting events coming up, and everything you loved about Shine is still available. Contact us at info@shinenyc.net or 212.414.5427 to plan your next visit. 

Apple Recipes To Make the Most of Your Fall Harvest

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Apple picking is an autumn rite-of-passage for many families in the East End. New York State is blessed with more than 55,000 apple orchards to choose from, including our top four East End apple farms for families.

If you’re looking for a fantastic apple this year, you’re in luck! While the growing season started cold and dry, the recent heat built up the sugar content of the apples, while the rainfall increased sizing and the cool nights enhanced the ruby red coloration.

The harvest is abundant, no matter what type of apple you prefer, with 29 to 30 million bushels available in total, on par with the five-year average. Popular Gala and Mcintosh are already available, with Honeycrisp and Fuji starting to appear. Champlain and Hudson Valley exclusives like SnapDragon and RubyFrost may not debut until mid-October.

Once you and the kids have enjoyed a day at the apple farm, you’ll have fresh-picked apples to enjoy for a good six to eight weeks if you store them in the refrigerator. If you have leftovers or like to get creative in the kitchen, we recommend the following apple-inspired recipes to whip up with your little chefs. After all, cooking together has been shown to increase math, science, and literacy skills, while fostering both independence and cooperation in children. 

Easy Apple Pie Bites

If you’re looking for a quick, easy after-school snack, look no further! Upgrade your apple slices by tucking them inside crescent rolls and topping with butter, cinnamon, and sugar. The job is easy enough for kid hands to pull off and cooled down, ready to eat, in less than 30 minutes – what more could you ask for? Get the recipe.

Apfelpfannkuchen

You may prefer calling this a “giant German apple pancake” or a “Dutch Baby,” which sounds just as cute as it is fulfilling. Some serve this as a weekend breakfast or you could prepare it on a Sunday for a quick Monday dinner paired with a hearty salad. You may consider doubling the apples, while cutting the butter and sugar rations in half, for a healthier alternative that still tastes great. Get the recipe.

Apple Crisp

You’ll need five cups of thin-sliced firm, crisp apples to make this delicious treat. The heavenly scent emanates from your oven for 50 minutes as it’s cooking is worth the effort alone! Kids will love shaking up all the ingredients in a plastic bag before dumping it into a pie pan. Don’t forget to buy French vanilla ice cream to dollop on top. Get the recipe.

Apple Bread

You may want to do the apple peeling and coring before you call the kids in to help mix the batter. The end result is a kid-pleaser that isn’t overly sweet, but makes a great breakfast — especially when warmed slightly in the microwave or toaster and spread with a thin layer of butter as you would garnish a banana bread. Get the recipe.

Apple Cheddar Tart

Midwesterners know a thing or two about gussying up their apples with complementary pairings. Few bites are more satisfying than the sticky sweetness of caramelized apple alongside salty, sharp cheddar. This recipe hails from French pastry chef Thomas Raquel who works at La Bernardin, an elite restaurant on West 51st Street, steps from MoMA. The steps are more complex than the previous recipes and involve a bit of dough rolling for an older chef’s apprentice, but we included it for the creativity and local flavor nevertheless. Get the recipe.

Hungry for More?

You can also try our Fresh Cinnamon Cranberry Apple Sauce, dice or grate apples to mix with cabbage coleslaw, grill on a skewer alongside pears and pineapples, or toss with crunchy granola, yogurt, and nuts for a quick apple parfait. If you love the idea of your child cooking, but want someone else to clean up the mess, consider adding one of Shine’s “Kitchen Stars” signature cooking classes to the mix.

Calm and Connect: Strategies for Successful Weeknights

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School has been back in session for a few weeks, with many kids returning to “in-person” education for the first time in over a year. Some children will take to the resumption of routine like a fish in water, while others may struggle. For a number of reasons, evenings may seem derailed. Whether your evenings are fraught with a zombie-like zone-out or with hysterical meltdowns over seemingly nothing at all, it can help to have a strategy in place to calm down and connect. 

Why do after-school meltdowns occur?

It can be difficult to untangle the rationale for a change in attitude and behavior. Your child’s teacher may have glowing reviews that bear little resemblance to the monstrous performance before you after 4 pm. Remember, home is a “safe place” for most kids — an environment where they can dump all their emotions without fear of rejection. The primary caregiver tends to bear the brunt of behavioral outbursts. Psychotherapist Andrea Nair calls this phenomenon the “after-school restraint collapse.” Even if the emotions of the day were largely positive, they’ve still built up over the course of the day and require release.  

Are you covering the basics?

Before you overanalyze, run through this checklist of general needs to determine if something has gotten overlooked recently (It’s all too easy!):

  • Sleep: School-age children need 10-11 hours of sleep per night to promote optimal health. If bed time has gotten pushed back, begin by adjusting 30 minutes earlier at a time until you’re back on track.
  • Food: Children eat 4-5 times a day. Inquire as to how well your child is eating at school. As soon as your child gets in the door, greet him or her with a drink and a healthy snack that combines protein and carbohydrates. Examples might be peanut butter and crackers or low-fat cheese and fruit.  
  • Schedule: While we like our children to participate in after-school activities, it can be too much for some — particularly if you’re rushing around on weekdays. Consider scaling back to one or two activities that can be done on the weekends instead.

Ready for a new Calm-and-Connect routine?

If you are pretty confident in how the household is run, but yearn for calm and connectedness, try this strategy:

  • Say hello, with a smile and a hug. Resist the urge to talk too much or ask too much.
  • Present a small snack and water.
  • Encourage quiet playtime to decompress. This can vary from child to child, but may include: coloring, a puzzle, fidget toys, reading, or TV/tablet time.
  • Either before or after dinner, work in a light fitness activity. Take a walk; have a dance party; or play a sport like basketball, tennis, or soccer.
  • Use dinner time as a moment where everyone can share something about the day.You might ask: “What was the best/worst part of your day? What’s something that made you laugh? What’s something new you learned today? Which friends did you play with today? What are you thankful for?” Some kids (especially as they get older) find it easier to open up and talk working alongside you, rather than when directly confronted, so you may alternately consider discussions while washing dishes, raking leaves, folding laundry, or playing sports together.
  • Transition comfortably through the evening activities by using a timer and gently reminding your child how much time there is before the next step.
  • Bath and a book can be a very calming evening routine for your child to let cares melt away. If you are religious, this is a great time to pray as well. If your kids need extra snuggle time, get them into the bath 15 minutes earlier and remind them that it’s for the greater good of spending more quality time together!

Calming & Connecting After-School Activities  

  • Physical Activity: Kick a soccer ball. Throw a football or baseball. Shoot a basketball. Hit a tennis ball. Do Cosmic Kids yoga. Take a walk. Visit a playground. Ride a bike. Have a tickle fight or wrestling match. Play “Red Light, Green Light,” tag, or “Mister Fox.” 
  • Craft Activity: Put together a puzzle. Construct a block tower. Sculpt with Play Doh. Dig in the sandbox. Draw, color, or paint a picture together.
  • Open-Ended Play: Organize toys into sets, stored in plastic bins. Rotate sets from the cupboard to a play table. A surprise of fresh toys can be a welcome sight for kids after a long day of highly-structured routine.

Weekend Game Plan

You may feel like two ships passing in the night during most weekdays, but all is not lost. Try to reserve a portion of the weekend for family bonding time. Aim for a balance of unstructured free play time for the kids while you catch up on household chores, plus one special activity you’ve planned. Have a Friday family movie night with popcorn. Take a cool nature hike, visit an amusement park or museum, go apple picking, attend a fall festival, visit a farm or playground, see a creative arts performance, visit with relatives, and find other ways to enjoy a few hours together.

If you’re busy, but looking for immersive, enriching activities for your children, consider signing them up for one of Shine’s classes, workshops, or camps this year. We take the stress out of planning crafts, field trips, and educational opportunities, so you and your child just experience the fun.

Ways To Promote Your Child’s Mental and Emotional Health Every Day

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While much of the world has gone back to normal, many of us are still painfully aware of the mental and emotional toll the COVID-19 pandemic had on our children. Hospitals have seen a 24% surge in mental health related emergency room visits for patients ages 5-11 over the last year. One in six US children will have a mental, behavioral, or developmental disorder behavior diagnosed by eight years of age, according to the CDC.

The trends are troubling, but parents hold a lot of power to maintain a healthy, happy household. Beyond providing basic food, clothing, shelter, hygiene, nutrition, a good night’s sleep, and access to education, positive parenting involves routines, quality down-time, and carefully-chosen words.

Enjoy Dinner Together

With busy work, school, and sports schedules, it can be difficult to coordinate a time where everyone is available for dinner. It can be all too easy to switch on the television while eating or rush through the meal to get to another activity. However, the benefits of quality family dinner time are well-researched.

Kids who cook with their parents consume more fruits, vegetables, and healthy foods. Hands-on cooking activities help children develop skills, independence, problem-solving techniques, and self-confidence. You’re promoting fine motor skills, hand-eye coordination, and creativity, while spending screen-free time together. 

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University compared teens who ate dinner with their parents less than twice a week with those who had family dinner 5-7 days a week. Eating with the family correlated with teens who were 4x less likely to smoke, 2.5x less likely to use drugs, and half as likely to drink alcohol. This group was more likely to achieve better grades and half as likely to require treatment for depression, anxiety, or other emotional problems.

At dinner time, ask your child about friends, social events, school learning, current events, and issues of concern. Play games like “I Spy” or try these fun family dinner conversation starters. After dinner, give your child an important role to play – whether it’s the dish-rinser, counter-wiper, table-cleaner, or floor-sweeper. After all, one 25-year study found that the biggest predictor for the success of young adults in their mid-20s was whether they participated in household chores in early childhood.

Play Games That Teach About Emotions

Children learn so much through play. Emotional regulation, social cues, and body management are all teachable through games. They may seem silly to you, but young children find them memorable and enjoyable.

  • Are you feeling more like a star fish or like a tornado? Managing internal energy stores is a big component of self-regulation. Help your child recognize their own energy levels by periodically asking this question throughout the day. Reinforce that your child can always try to use a calming skill or ask an adult for help when they’re feeling like a tornado. If you’re playing in the morning and your child is feeling peaceful as a starfish, you might say, “It sounds like a great time to snuggle and watch cartoons!” If your child is feeling like a tornado, you might say, “How many times can you run up and down the stairs in one minute?” or “How high can you bounce this ball to release that energy?”
  • What can you spy with your binocular eyes? On a trip to the playground, teach your child to slow down, observe, pick up on social cues, and choose how to behave. Hold your fingers like circles and pretend to peer through binoculars, while sharing details about what you see. “I see a girl who looks worried at the top of the slide,” you might say, or “I see there’s room on the swings.” When your child sees someone hurt or sad, there may be an opportunity for an intervention. If your child sees that the swings are occupied, perhaps the slide is a better alternative.
  • What would you like to do tonight? Start a tradition where, one night a week, your family takes turns planning a fun night. This could include which dinner to have, what movie to watch, what game to play, or what theme to celebrate. Create a score card of social-emotional skills like “Waiting my turn,” “Staying calm when doing something I don’t like,” “Trying something new,” “Sharing attention,” or “Using my words to share how I feel,” or “Making a thoughtful decision.” Have everyone rate themselves and talk about what is working well and what could use improvement.

Put Down Your Phone

According to researchers at Wharton and Drexel universities, it’s not the number of hours you spend with your children each day that predicts your child’s physical and emotional health; it’s how present you are. Your child knows when you’re stressed out, too busy, and mentally preoccupied.

Thirty minutes of focused, undistracted attention is better than 60 minutes of sitting with your child while surfing social media or checking work emails. When you need to respond to an urgent message, explain to your child why you’re on a device. You might say, “I need 15 minutes to send a few emails and then we’ll go outside and play soccer.” 

The question of what to do in this time spent together is subjective, but you might try:

  • Getting down on the floor and playing what your child loves, whether it’s dolls, Legos, or a tea party.
  • Play old-school favorites like Mr. Fox, Hide-and-Seek, Peek-a-Boo, or Red-Light Green-Light.
  • Have a dance party with upbeat music you and your child love. If you’ve got a party light, even better.
  • Go outside with your child. Hike, bike, kick the soccer ball, toss a football or frisbee, draw with chalk.
  • Play classic board games like Trouble, Clue Jr, Connect 4, Candyland, Life, or Guess Who.
  • Rough and tumble play – wrestling, building forts, pillow-fighting, and battling imaginary villains.
  • Start a family hobby like Yoga, Knitting, Scrapbooking, Science, Magic, or a Musical Instrument.
  • Grab a bowl of popcorn, a blanket, and a movie. Here’s a list of 100 movies to see before kids grow up.

Positivity and Praise

Positivity and praise sets a strong foundation for your child to develop self-love. Praise shouldn’t be dealt out lightly and you’ll want to choose your words wisely. Avoid comparing your child to others, praising innate good looks or talent, and praising achievement. Instead, praise the process and the things your child can control – like effort, persistence, patience, focus, listening skills, attention to detail, or attitude. 

Self-esteem begins at home. Build positivity and praise into each day:

  • Hug your child and say “I love you so much” to start the day off right.
  • Catch your child being good at least three times a day.
  • Praise people skills: “You’re such a good helper!” or “You were sharing so nicely.”
  • Praise effort: “Wow, you were so patient!” “You never gave up!” “You really tried your best.”
  • Be specific: “I love how you colored in the lines,” or “What a beautiful combination of colors you chose.”
  • Remark upon kind behaviors and say, “Let’s talk about what kind of person you chose to be right now.”
  • Tell someone else about something positive your child said or did – and let them overhear you.

Life won’t always be full of praiseworthy moments, but you can use words of encouragement to get through the most trying times. For instance, if your child is upset trying to tie shoelaces, you could say, “Ah, laces are so tricky! But I love how you’re sticking with it, even though it’s hard. You’ll get it if you keep practicing. Your fingers will get stronger and you’ll remember it better each time.” 

Check-In Before Bed Each Night

Set aside as much time as possible for evening rejuvenation. When your child resists with, “I have to go to bed now?!” gently remind, “No, I just want to spend some time with you.” Allow your child a little play time in a bubble bath. Prepare a small snack or drink to enjoy with a couple books. When that’s all through, you’re your child a good 10 or 15 minutes of your complete, undivided attention, along with a snuggle.

Try these conversation starters:

“What emotions did you feel today?” or “Is there anything you want to share that’s difficult to say?”

Simply asking “how are you” often fails to elicit the response we’re looking for – instead getting a “fine,” “okay,” or “good.” Similarly, asking “what’s wrong” is likely to get an abject “nothing” or an “I don’t know.” Framing the question to focus on emotions is more likely to conjure up stories from the day where your child felt proud, excited, worried, or frustrated. By asking about feelings, you’re showing your child it’s okay to trust and confide in you. You’re showing empathy. If your child does open up, listen without judgement. Resist the urge to “fix it” or give unsolicited advice. Try saying, “I’m so sorry you’re going through that. I am here for you. I love you.” Ask questions like, “What did you do?” or “Did you know I had a time where I felt like that too?”   

“What happened today that made you smile, laugh, or feel happy?” or “What were you grateful for?”

Avoid asking a “yes” or “no” question. This open-ended inquiry shows your child you care about his or her day. There may not always be an answer, but you’ll be glad you asked on those days where your child is brimming with joyful stories. It’s a great follow-up after talking about the more difficult parts of the day and a reminder that a few bad moments don’t necessarily make for a bad day or life. While half of what makes us happy is rooted in our DNA, another 40% comes from intentional activity – from taking the time to reflect and practice gratitude. If you are religious, you may consider weaving a prayer into your evening routine.    

Plan Something Special.

There’s a lot in this article to consider. We’re not advising that your drop all obligations and let the world revolve around your child. A few key moments over the course of the day can go a long way. Maybe you’ll just have short 10 minutes bursts or 30 minutes of uninterrupted time in a day to really give your all. The fact that you’ve read this far shows that you’re trying your best and you truly care about the wellbeing of your offspring.

Maybe you didn’t have as much time as you would have liked today, but you can always plan ahead. If you’re looking for additional ways to connect with your child and support mental health in the future, consider one of Shine’s fun camps, workshops, classes, virtual craft sessions, field trips, or parties. Our ongoing, year-round programming provides East End families with enriching experiences that build memories for years to come. Contact us for details about current availability.

Experience East End Gardens and Farms

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Shine’s “Pop-up Field Trip Thursdays” invite you and your child to take a trip to the best gardens and farms the East End has to offer to enjoy our local bounty. This has been one of our favorite pastimes for years now, as we cultivate deeper community relationships with the good people who produce our food. We believe gardening and farming experiences enrich the mind, body, and soul of children and adults alike. There are still spaces available if you’d like to join us.   

Gardening and Farming are Ideal Summer Activities for Children

Young children can practice a number of developing skills – from locomotion and muscle management as they ambulate around the dirt rows, to fine motor control as they grasp trowels and pick up seeds.

Research tells us children are more likely to eat healthy when they see how food is grown and prepared. Kids are also less likely to suffer from asthma and more likely to have healthy immune systems when they interact with farm microbiota.

The fresh air, moderate-to-high exercise, and sensory stimulation intrigue both mind and body. Learning the different names of foods and animals on the farm helps develop burgeoning literacy skills. For kids with attention deficits or hyperactivity disorders, regular green time has been shown to reduce adverse symptoms.

Kids love making mud pies, building stick forts, and having outdoor adventures, but all too often they’re glued to a screen. Engaging in nature play improves fitness, learning capacity, and social-emotional development. Free playing at a farm or garden setting promotes imagination, cooperation, and resilience.

New York’s East End is Blessed with Beautiful Gardens and Farms

A few of our favorite Thursday field trips include:

Amber Waves Farm

Kids enjoy participating in farm chores, walking through the chicken barn, taking a foraging hike, picnicking, story time, and puppet theater shows. They learn about composting, seed planting, natural crafting, and cooking. The farm itself grows over 350 vegetables, herbs, cut flowers, and grains.

Bridge Gardens

The Peconic Land Trust runs a great farm-to-table program at Bridge Gardens in the summer that teaches children about the plant life cycle and sustainable gardening through song, story, and fun take-home projects. This five-acre gem offers beautiful landscapes to walk through, complete with community gardens and art sculptures as well.

Madoo Conservancy

Madoo is about discovery and adventure. Children enjoy painting, crafting, storytelling, art exhibitions, music lessons, and picnicking in the gardens. The atmosphere is far from stuffy. Children are encouraged to run around until their hearts’ content. 

Longhouse Reserve

The Longhouse Reserve specializes in art and music programs for children. From the Yoko Ono chess board and the red garden, to dry woodlands and playful second lawn — the whimsical sculptures and well-cultivated spaces spark the imagination.

Ready To Get Out Into Nature?

Gather with like-minded friends for a Shine field trip. We work closely with each venue to create fun, age-appropriate activities that leave a lasting impact. Our enriching combination of art, culture, music, culinary, and fitness activities are beloved by families across the East End. Contact us for details on our next Thursday adventure.

How To Help Your Child Cultivate a Love of the Great Outdoors

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Kids who spend time engaged in solitary activities outdoors have the strongest bonds with nature, according to researchers at North Carolina State University.

Parents are often concerned with signing their kids up for sports like soccer, t-ball, or tennis to get them active and out of the house. While highly structured activities benefit kids in their own way, they don’t necessarily foster a deep love of nature – the sort that builds confidence, responsibility, creativity, contemplation, attention span, energy, relationships with others, and a spirit of conservationism.

For the study, scientists surveyed 1,285 children ages 9-12 to identify what makes kids feel most comfortable outside. They found that kids had a variety of preferences, but what initiated a strong connection with nature or the desire to pursue a career in environmentalism was a more solitary activity in early childhood.

If you’re looking to foster a lover of the environment, consider introducing or encouraging one of the following pursuits identified in the study:

Fishing

Angling can be a great stress reliever. All kids can be taught to fish, but by six they have the skills necessary to be more autonomous. Location is key, as younger kids will want to see the fruits of their labor — the exciting flopping fish on the end of their lines! Consider a fully stocked lake, pond, or river listed on your state’s Department of Environmental Conservation website.

Try starting with an ultralight spinning pole with a four pound line, size 8-12 hook, a sinker, a bobber, and bait worms. This setup will be sufficient enough to reel in trout, bass, sunfish, and catfish. When you bring in a catch, take a moment to show the gills, scales, fins, and fish anatomy.

Look out for crawdads, tadpoles, minnows, turtles, and other creatures, sometimes turning over rocks or looking under logs. Turn your eyes up to scour for ospreys. Talk about how each animal plays an important role in the ecosystem and emphasize the importance of leaving no trace behind, picking up all litter.

A few hours is plenty long enough for kids with short attention spans. When they get tangled, let them use your pole as you fix it for them to minimize idle time. Bring plenty of sunscreen, snacks, drinks, sunglasses, changes of clothes, and patience. Heap on the praise and let kids make choices like which spot to fish, which special bait to use, or when to pause and look for critters.    

Hunting

You’ll know a child is ready to accompany a hunt if he or she is asking a lot of questions. Rather than simply answering questions to satiate the curious mind, take your child along. Kids as young as 10 can take beginner safety courses, while those 16+ will need their own hunting licenses. Rabbit and deer are good first game to hunt, as these animals provide a great meal for the family.

Load up on gear to make the activity more fun. Face paint, camouflage, muck boots, binoculars, hats, and hearing protection are essentials in helping your child have a sense of belonging on the trip. Bring lots of snacks like beef jerky and trail mix, as well as drinks. Consider preparing a tree stand or a ground blind in advance, so you have your own special spot staked out.  

Go early and break up the time with periods of walking around. Let your child pack a bag, use a compass, and blood track – which will all encourage independence, a reward in itself. Look for animals prints, deer rubbings on trees, scat, or other signs of wildlife. Talk about shot placement, aim, range landmarks, and other information to help your young hunter. Also take a moment to remark upon the sights, sounds, smells, and feels of the woods.    

Exploring

Hiking and camping are perfect activities for encouraging exploration of the natural surroundings beyond the backyard. Plan a day trip or holiday weekend to enjoy as a family. Choose a scenic location with ample wildlife, water features, and relatively flat walking paths. If you’re camping, consider venues with family-friendly amenities like ice cream trucks, kayak rentals, pools, and mini-golf.

This kid-friendly book will help your child spot different types of trees, birds, clouds, insects, animals, and flowers along the nature trail. A scavenger hunt game like Go Find It can also be great fun for little ones, encouraging them to find “something bumpy” or “something yellow,” for instance. Consider stepping back and allowing your kids to wander freely, within eye sight, to enjoy the thrill of solo exploration.   

Silent “sit spotting” is a type of meditation that can really help kids connect with their natural surroundings. Have your child find a place on the walk that feels special. Or, if you prefer, you might bring supplies to build a teepee to create a unique sense of place. Practice sitting crisscross-applesauce with eyes closed, asking your child to listen and let you know what sounds are all around. Then open your eyes and discuss what plants, insects, animals, clouds, shapes, textures, or colors you see. Listen to the birds. Touch the moss. Breathe in the dirt. You might consider tracking your observations day after day. Just five minutes daily is all it takes to experience the benefits of mindful meditation – like calmness, self-awareness, and happiness.  

Looking for more ways to get your child out into nature? Try one of Shine’s Hamptons camps or mini-camps geared toward ages 2-12. We’ll be at the LonghouseReserve, Children’s Museum of the East End, and more iconic East End locations this summer.

Benefits of Block Play – and How to Inspire a Lifelong Love of Construction

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From rudimentary wooden squares and rectangles to complex interlocking plastic Lego sets, block play is serious business for growing young minds. One of the great things about blocks is that they are a timeless toy that transcends all ages. In the words of playwright George Bernard Shaw, “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” We invite you to consider the many benefits of block play and to get involved with your child.   

A Few Benefits of Block Play

There are countless advantages to block play, but spatial reasoning, math skills, and improved cognitive flexibility are among them.

  • Spatial Reasoning is vital to investigating and solving problems. Spatial intelligence is used heavily in architecture, art, astronomy, construction, engineering, plumbing, technology, science, and surgery. A study of 51 preschoolers found that those most interested in block construction and built more sophisticated structures also performed best on a standardized test of spatial intelligence.
  • Math skills improve when a child plays with blocks of different shapes, sizes, colors, and types. Researchers found that young children who were better at copying block structures performed better in early mathematics all the way through middle and high school. This is great news, whether your child is an aspiring financial analyst, computer programmer, medical scientist, actuary, data scientist, or math teacher.
  • Cognitive flexibility is the ability to switch between two different concepts or to consider multiple concepts at once – in other words, “multi-task.” The chance of being successful in life greatly increase with the amount of cognitive flexibility a person has. One study found that cognitive flexibility greatly improved among preschoolers subjected to structured and unstructured daily block play activities, regardless of socioeconomic status.

Beyond these perks, educators use blocks in the classroom to improve social emotional skills, cooperation, sharing, problem-solving and empathy.  

Ideas for Block Play at Any Age

Babies – Aim for soft blocks at this age, as everything goes into the mouth for exploration! These interactive Baby Einstein blocks feature different textures, a vibration effect, a mirror, and a variety of colorful pictures. Soft stacking blocks can provide endless hours of fun – even if you’re the one stacking and your baby’s the one toppling it down. 

Toddlers – At this age, anything goes! Simply provide a variety of blocks – wood, foam, plastic, or whatever you have. They love shape and color sorting, carrying and dumping the blocks, stacking up towers and knocking them down. By preschool, most kids will start to experiment with building bridges, castles, roadways, and more complicated structures, while developing elaborate storylines involving their toys as characters. Magna-Tiles are an investment that will grow with your child. We’ve also gotten years of use out of Bristle Blocks. Magnetic “Tangram” pattern blocks can be a fun way to explore how different shapes come together to form larger structures.

1st Grade – 2nd Grade – Use food to create edible structures. Marshmallows, apples, cheese, crackers, and gum drops all work great — with toothpicks to hold it all together. The JELL-O “Play and Eat” kits are another fun way to play with your food, while honing those construction skills. For the summer months, take the fun outdoors by collecting loose items in a tote and setting up a building zone; use mirrors, crates, tree stumps, boulders, knitting spools, pom poms, pipe cleaners, popsicle sticks, felt pieces, kitchen utensils, pots, recycled containers, plastic pipes, and more. Use PVC pipes to construct a simple playhouse for dolls, a pulley system for action figures, or a more elaborate structure the kids can actually play inside themselves.

3rd Grade – 4th Grade – At this time, kids are able to put together more elaborate LEGO sets matched to their interests, though some kids just prefer creating their own structures using open-ended Classic bricks. More time is spent in planning, arranging for symmetry, and adding detail work. Dramatic play involving an assortment of toys is still prevalent. Video games like Minecraft allow children the opportunity to explore block-like figures in a virtual environment they can control. Marble runs and erector sets can take block building to the next level. Circuit Cubes appeals to older kids, inviting them to build tanks, mechs, robots, and other vehicles using more sophisticated materials.

Block Play for NYC Kids

Shine invites you to join Block Party, a constructive arts class geared to ages 4-10. Over multiple sessions, little architects will expand on traditional designs using a variety of materials, including sugar cubes, marshmallows, toothpicks, tree blocks, and more. Sculptural art projects translate block play into creative applications of all we’ve learned. Contact us for details.

Additional Resources:

https://www.parentingscience.com/toy-blocks.html

https://www.naeyc.org/resources/pubs/yc/mar2015/ten-things-children-learn-block-play

https://babyyumyum.co.za/7-benefits-of-block-play/

https://blog.schoolspecialty.com/steam-challenges-for-block-play-in-early-childhood/

https://docs.msl.mt.gov/librariesweb/documents/Ready2Read/PlaySpace/pg_rrps_stagesinblockplay.pdf

https://www.theempowerededucatoronline.com/2017/08/block-play-ideas.html/

https://littlebinsforlittlehands.com/best-structure-building-activities-kids/

 

Virtual Exhibits for Black History Month

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Black History Month encourages us to consider the many achievements of African-Americans throughout history. The commemoration dates back to a week-long event pioneered by scholar Carter G. Woodson, which transformed into a month-long celebration in 1970. If you feel comfortable wearing a mask, we encourage you to check out the Brooklyn Children Museum’s Black Future Festival this weekend. Otherwise, there are plenty of convenient and unique ways to dive into cultural history online, without leaving your home.  

Black History Month at the New York Public Library (NYPL)

NYPL offers a treasure trove of Black History Month activities for families, including:

  • Picture Books Reading List – Request a physical copy or e-book, or access online instantly, using Digital Books or Bookshare accounts. Featured books cover famous personalities like Martin Luther King Jr and Duke Ellington, but also everyday experiences like running a bookstore, coping with the grief of loss, and working cotton fields as a young child in California.
  • Be sure to check out the Schomberg Center’s curated list of “Black Liberation List for Young Readers,”accommodating physical copy requests and free checkout of e-books on Overdrive.
  • Watch NYPL Story Time – Librarians read their favorite books featuring black characters or written by African-American authors about the black experience. Stories include “Sulwe,” “Black Girl Magic,” and “My Rainy Day Rocket Ship.”
  • Black History Month Kids Events – Every day features different virtual events, from a chat and draw for ages 8-12 with black cartoonists and Black History Month Jeopardy, to read-aloud craft-alongs and book discussions.

Poe Park Visitor Center’s Black History Month Exposition

Poe Park Visitor Center is a community hub of art, literature, fitness, and community events in the Bronx. All exhibits have been moved online this year due to the ongoing pandemic:

  • Documentary photography: Michael Young; Trevon Blondet.
  • Mixed-media: Terrenceo Hammonds; Betty J. Murray; Gloria Zapata; Gregorio Velez.
  • Paintings: James Deliard; Josipa Kecman.
  • Wood prints: Joan Barnes.
  • Digital collage: Patrice J. Payne.

The New Museum’s Jordan Casteel Exhibit, “Within Reach”

Painter Jordan Casteel seeks to tell the stories of the overlooked people of color who bring the city to life, from Harlem street musicians and a little boy on a lap, to art students at Rutgers University and merch sellers. The virtual tour features 40 colorful, oversized portraits.

New York Botanical Garden’s Black History Month at Home

You’ll be missing the sweet smells of the blooms this year, but you can expect the same high-quality, family-friendly programming, such as:

  • A welcome message from NY State Senator Jamaal T. Bailey.
  • A performance, “Let Us Pull Together,” by the Harambee Dance Company.
  • A “Tree Time” read-aloud, education segment, and activity for children ages 4-8.

National Portrait Gallery’s Portraits of African-Americans

This comprehensive collection of famous faces is a national treasure, featuring brief bios and photographs, sketches, and paintings of everyone from Frederick Douglas and Jackie Robinson, to Shirley Chisholm and former President Barack Obama.

National Museum of African-American History & Culture’s Joyful Fridays

Though the NMAAHC is closed during the pandemic, they’re offering webinar-style Zoom classes featuring literature, discussion, and art, geared toward kids ages 4-8, taking inspiration from the Joyful ABC Activity Book series. On the 26th, they’ll be creating protest word paintings. Past activities include hat-making, portrait art, and sculpting from recycled materials.

We celebrate Black History Month as part of embracing a multicultural world and an important step in raising children who are wiser and kinder. If you liked this list, be sure to check out Shine’s “How To Raise a Culturally Sensitive Kid.” You will find a diverse and inclusive atmosphere at any of our upcoming classes, camps, parties, and workshops. We are open and operating under all the CDC and local COVID-19 protocols.

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